she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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