he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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