I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My life is pants optional.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
