North Korea, Best Korea!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
