Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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