Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
