"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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