I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize