you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
