What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
