I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
