it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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