I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
