Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
