i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
