Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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