Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
