He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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