ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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