The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Text me some of your sweat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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