What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
