I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
