We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
