I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
