last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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