guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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