It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
