Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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