it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize