Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
