i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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