I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
