In the future we'll all be gay
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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