im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
