I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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