whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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