first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
