The maid of honor just puked.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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