Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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