So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
