Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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