Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
