i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
