i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if only i could text you this smell
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
