Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
