Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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