Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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