you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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