First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
