I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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