I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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