dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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