time to smoke my breakfast
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
