went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
