Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
