I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
