im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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