I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
