Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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