he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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