Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize