Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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