i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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