Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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