my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
