You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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