yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
