So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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