They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
