it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
