My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
