I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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