remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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