We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize