can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
