WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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