I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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