I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize