I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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