I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
