OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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