I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
