I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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