I accidentally burped into my bong.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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