I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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