WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
