dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
