watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
