Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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