he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
