I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
