you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
