guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
