my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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