in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
