they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
