i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
