I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
