I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
