I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
