Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
