that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
