no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
