if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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