You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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