Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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