those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize