So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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