Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize