so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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