I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
