a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
