How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
